Ask a Better Question
“What did I do to deserve this?” “Why do these things always happen to me?” “Why has God done this to me?”
First things first. Ask that question again. Say it out loud and pay attention to what it feels like in your body. Does your body breathe more easily, does it relax, do you feel invigorated? You don’t? Is that surprising? Of course not!
Now, imagine there was someone there to give you an answer to this question you’re asking. What could the answer possibly be? The answer will be different for each person, but I bet they’re going to circle around the central theme of, “I’m an awful person.”
Now, if you’re reading this blog, you already understand (or are willing to learn about) the mind- body connection. What do you think these types of questions are doing to your cells? You’re asking an extremely low vibration question that no one can answer. If someone could answer it, it wouldn’t be pretty.
So now what? Most people would say now is the time to ask a better question. I say, “WAIT, NOT YET!” Let’s understand the impetus to ask this low vibration, hurtful question in the first place.
There is either a need being met or a part of you that is trying to make itself known or seen by asking this question. I’ll recommend that you ask this question for yourself. “What would happen if I actually knew the answer to this,” and “How would that be helpful?”
Stop! Do that first. Don’t go on . . . .
There are a few reasons why people usually ask these victim-styled questions.
1. They’re looking for a logical answer to an emotional state. We feel safe in the mind, if we can think about it, we don’t have to feel it, which is fundamentally problematic. Feeling is critical to understanding yourself, your environment, and your purpose. Without it, we think our way through life and we miss major, major swaths of who we are here to be.
2. There is a part of who you are that is stuck in the belief that you deserve this. “This is a punishment and I just want to know for which awful thing I did.” If there are scenarios that immediately come to mind I highly recommend forgiving yourself and forgiving whoever else is involved. It’s easily said, I know. It might take you 30 seconds, 30 days or 30 years but if these thoughts are jumping directly into your mind when this question comes up it demanding energy that is not going into your healing.
3. You’re stuck in a loop. This is all you know and it’s time for a new story. Perhaps this is the message you learned growing up or was part of an abusive relationship and you adopted this victim story and owned it as your own. It’s time for a new story.
Any way you stack it, asking a low vibration question like this is creating stress rather than resolving it and when your body is in stress it cannot be in healing. Victimhood is not a state that lends itself to healing.
You’re doing great and I love you lots.